Ceremony jokes
Yo mama so fat, she had to get baptized in the ocean.
How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?
He toasts the groom.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
What happened to the eight-year-old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church?
The priest stopped him on the way there.
At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next.
Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys.
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
A bat mitzvah for sheep is a baaaaaat mitzvah!
Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
"I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.
Which is the worst place to sit at in a wedding?
Between 2 buttcheeks.
When is a priest's best compromise?
A failed Baptism.
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
Where do babies get baptized?
So the priest can wash their sex toys.
I was always poked and told at weddings your next... So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....
Why do brides wear white?
So they match the kitchen appliances.
Hey, did you know that 9/11 won a Grammy?
Yes, best comedy award.
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."