Ceremony jokes
How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?
He toasts the groom.
"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."
What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?
Til death do we park.
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.
You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.
At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.
At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"
At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"
what do you call it when you get married in Panera Bread?
Panera Wed.
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
Which is the worst place to sit at in a wedding?
Between 2 buttcheeks.
Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible, but the reception was great!
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"
And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"
And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
I was always poked and told at weddings your next... So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....
Dear Grad Parents,
Please pass the attached Commencement schedule on to your graduate(s). We ask that students arrive 15 minutes prior to their scheduled time and that they do not arrive early. Staff will greet the students outside the main entrance. Students may wear cap and gowns and/or formal wear.
There will be more information to follow in the coming days.
Thank you.
Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys.
What did the priest say during the christening?
"So anyway, I started blasting!"
"I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.