Cell jokes
What did the cell say when it was dividing?
"It's not you, it's me."
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his foot?
Mitosis!!! (my-toe-sis)
7 little children gathered around the bed Bill Cosby's fantasy.
All he wants to do is tickle the kids, it's as plain as can be.
7 cellmates gathered around the bed ready to rape Bill Cosby instead.
True Story
A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"
The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.
How do inmates keep in touch?
They have cell phones.
What does Christian say when he wants out of jail?
"Bale me out!"
What do you call a malignant cell in Paris?
A Royale with cancer.
What did the brother cell say when the sister cell stepped on his foot? Ow, mitosis! (my toe, sis)
Warning! Cringe Alert!
What happens when you leave your phone at jail?
It becomes a cell phone.
You have two brain cells; one is lost, and the other is out looking for it.
What 16 stoner rode a Derby winner?
Lester Piggott's cellmate.
What do cells call their friends with? A cell phone.
Why did the person go to jail?
He committed a crime.
What’s the only type of batteries that they use in prisons? Duracell.
What did the bitch say to her sister when she stepped on her toe? Oww, mitosis!
A drunk guy runs into a bar... He bangs his head and falls down, why?
Because he is in a prison cell.
Stop putting up bad jokes, boi!
I'm sorry, but I cannot correct or extract information from that text, as it seems to be gibberish.
You used to call me on your cellphone when you need my love.
Mad girl: SHUT UP! YOU ARE SO ANNOYING! I DON'T WANT TO CALL YOU ON MY CELL PHONE!
What do you call a dwarf with ESP that escaped a prison?
A small medium at large.