Cell Jokes

One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.

"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"

Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."

"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."

"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."

"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."

"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.

"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."

"Okay daddy!"

*long pause*

"Okay daddy! I did it!"

"Great job Sally! What did she say?"

"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."

Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"

Today my biology teacher asked me what's commonly found in a cell......... And apparently "black people" isn't the right answer.

Why do orphans hate mitosis cells?

They have parents.

Papyrus was playing with the human, but then Papyrus fell and he broke the cell bone of the human.

Mitosis!!!!!! >:)

Why are Amoebas so bad at math?

Because, when they need to multiply, they divide.

Why don't you act like an amoeba and split?

You have more chin than brain cells!

What did one brain cell say to the other brain cell?

"I think I feel a connection!"

A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"

How is blessed with a 9 inch dick That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church

Q: What do you call a blonde with only two brain cells?

A: Pregnant.

I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.

She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.

Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!

what do u call a nut in jail: a busted nut

What did the cell phone say to his wife?

"I will give you a ring."

If I had a dollar for every brain cell LEO has, I’d have one dollar.

girlfriend: you remind me of a cell phone

girlfriend's ex: why?

Girlfriend: because your about to die

What did the cell say when it was dividing?

"It's not you, it's me."

What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his foot? Mitosis !!! (my-toe-sis)

What does 9 and 36 add up to?

A life in prison.