Cause jokes

Why are Americans so bad at chess? Cause they lost 2 towers.

Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?

None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.

Are you in the alphabet 'cause I wanna give you the D.

I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was.

To bitch them is my real test, to train them is my cause.

I will travel across the land, searching far and wide.

Fuse Pokemon to UnderStand, the power that’s inside.

Poke him on! Gotta train them all it’s Fru and me, All I know is my dress tiny, Poke him on! Yeah, you’re my best friend, In a world you must defend, Poke him on! Gotta train them all my shirts so true, My outrage will flush us through. You bitch me and I ditch you, P-O-K-E-M-O-N!!! Gotta train them all, Gotta train them all! Pokemon!

You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!

Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.

Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."

Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?

Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.

Why does Joe Biden call women muffins?

'Cause muffins backwards is sniffum.

Why can't orphans be gay?

'Cause they can't call anyone "Daddy."

Are you the Lusitania 'cause I wanna fire a torpedo into you?

I hope Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, 'cause I need some parts for my go-cart.

Why can orphans never go to the shops?

'Cause the Talibans will plane dive into them.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?

'Cause they don't got balls to scratch.

Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?

'Cause it's a car-PET.

Why did Sally drop her ice cream? Because she has no arms.

I gave an orphan an iPhone XR because it does not have a home button.

Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!

These two guys were at a bar flirting with these girls. The guy says, "Are you a parking ticket, 'cause you got fine written all over you?"

The girl turns and says, "How about you pay for them, and then I can pay you back with me getting all over you?"

Why can’t Asian people play baseball?

Why?

'Cause they ate the bat!

So you know there's like dog mixes, right? Like a Snoodle and that stuff, right? So why can't a bulldog and a shih tzu be mixed? 'Cause if they did, it would be called bullshit.

Kid: Hi.

Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?

Kid: Why are you rude?

Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.