Cause jokes

Why did the director have an injured leg? Cause he couldn't find the right cast.

1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.

2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.

3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.

4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.

8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.

10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?

11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.

12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.

Your Momma's so fat, the recursive function calculating her mass causes a stack overflow.

Why are Americans so bad at chess? Cause they lost 2 towers.

Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?

None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.

Are you in the alphabet 'cause I wanna give you the D.

I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was.

To bitch them is my real test, to train them is my cause.

I will travel across the land, searching far and wide.

Fuse Pokemon to UnderStand, the power that’s inside.

Poke him on! Gotta train them all it’s Fru and me, All I know is my dress tiny, Poke him on! Yeah, you’re my best friend, In a world you must defend, Poke him on! Gotta train them all my shirts so true, My outrage will flush us through. You bitch me and I ditch you, P-O-K-E-M-O-N!!! Gotta train them all, Gotta train them all! Pokemon!

You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!

Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.

Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."

Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?

Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.

Yo mama must be a giant, 'cause my Mini P.E.K.K.A. goes berserk on her!

Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!

Why can't orphans be gay?

'Cause they can't call anyone "Daddy."

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?

'Cause they don't got balls to scratch.

Are you the Lusitania 'cause I wanna fire a torpedo into you?

I hope Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, 'cause I need some parts for my go-cart.

Why does Joe Biden call women muffins?

'Cause muffins backwards is sniffum.

If you drop an apple and an emo girl, who falls first?

The apple, because the emo girl hung herself.

Why can orphans never go to the shops?

'Cause the Talibans will plane dive into them.

Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?

'Cause it's a car-PET.

I gave an orphan an iPhone XR because it does not have a home button.