Carpet jokes
Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.
"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"
What do you call a magic car?
A flying carpet.
My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"
Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!
Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?
Yo mama so hairy, you got carpet burn when you were born.
You are so ugly when you gave birth to your baby, you gave it carpet burn.
Community talk
things are so strange. walls. carpet. curtains. ceilings. nails. blankets. leaves. trees. frozen. bugs.
My dog is trying to eat an insect similar to a silverfish. It went under a carpet. Umm...
The Weeknd:] I understand, your body wants it I know your thoughts, oh you 'bout it, 'bout it You're a big girl, and it's your world And I'ma let you do it how you (Wanna, girl, I'll)
Ride with it, ride with it I know you know, I know you wanna ride with it Don't be shy with it, I'll supply with it I got you, girl, oh, I got it, girl With your Louis V. bag, tats on your arms High heel shoes make you six feet tall Ev… Read more