New Carpet Jokes

Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself. ", Well I hope Ur hungry I replied, cos they cut off my electric this morning"

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. Its not dead, just afraid to move.

What is a card carrying lesbian feminist? A carpet muncher who is a card carrying member of the National Organization For Women

What is the difference between the National Organization For Carpet Munchers and the National Organization For Women? The National Organization For Women have more experience in being a carpet muncher because they eat more pussy

What is the difference between a carpet muncher and a female prostitute? If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch you have to give her money first

If two feminazis are carpet munchers which one in the lesbian relationship cooks? They both don't because both of the carpet munchers are too busy eating each other's pussy 😋 🤪 😌 😏 😜 👍 👍 👌 👌 👏 🏆 🥇 💭 🤔 😮 😁 😊 😃 😄 👌 😍 🥰 ☺️

I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like 'ankle biters', 'rug rats' and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.

I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, 'carpet muncher' doesn't mean what I thought it does.

You are so ugly when you gave birth to your baby you gave it carpet burn

floor on the road

My wife said why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely

Thank fully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up emily in the bottom of the ocean

your mama so fat that when you were born yo mama gave yu carpet birn

Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?

Cuz it's a car-PET.

What do you call a Mexican under a carpet? Underlay, underlay.

Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet?

He wanted to see a floor show.

i had a gold fish who could breakdance on the carpet....

for 20 seconds...

and only once.... :(

one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, "No, shes upstairs with Uncle john" "Uncle john? i don't know an Uncle John." "no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy" "no i'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family." "Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally. "Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now." "Okay daddy!"

*long pause*

"Okay daddy! I did it!' "Great job Sally! What did she says?"

"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."

then dad replies "Swimming pool? we dont have a...is this 468-1843?"