Cant jokes
Your mum is so fat that when she sat on the toilet, she couldn't because her fat ass can't fit on the toilet seat.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don’t know where home is.
So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her, "Can you stop smacking? It's annoying." Then she said, "I can't, it's a juicy type of candy." So I said, "I can stop the candies from making that sound." Then she said, "How?" So I smacked her. :)
What's the difference between a human and a tree?
A human can chop down a tree.
A tree can't chop down a human.
Person: You can't kill an orphan!
Me: What are they going to do, go tell their parents?
Why can't male orphans be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can never get a home run. 😭
Fat women can't walk, but on 9/11, they ran.
Your forehead is so big when you walk by I can't see what's in front of me.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he/she doesn't know where to run home.
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
TITANic
A paraplegic walks into a bar...
It's funny because he can't walk.
What do Asians and John Cena have in common? You can't see me!
Why can’t an orphan hit a home run? Because he doesn’t have a home.
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet.
One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Yes, it is,” the man replies. “You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy asks. “No thanks,” the man replies. “I think you do want to buy a baseball,” the little extortionist continues. “OK. How much?” the man replies, after considering the position he was in. “Twenty-five dollars,” the little boy replies. “TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!” the man repeats. “That’s awful expensive,” but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy. “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” the boy starts off. “Yes, it is,” replies the man. “Wanna buy a baseball glove?” the little boy asks. “OK. How much?” the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage. “Fifty dollars,” the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy’s father says, “Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we’ll play some catch.” “I can’t. I sold them,” replies the little boy. “How much did you get for them?” asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. “Seventy-five dollars,” the little boy says. "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That’s thievery! I’m taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Don’t you start that crap in here,” the priest says.
Why can't orphans play House Flipper?
'Cause they don't know what to do.
Why would a dead guy lie?
Because he can't stand up.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't go home :)