Cant jokes
What do you do if your online friend wants to commit suicide? You can't do anything, he's already on line.
Friend: Hi, orphan.
Orphan: Tell me a yo momma joke.
Friend: ummm
Orphan: Exactly, U can't.
Friend: Yo momma so disappointed she left!
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
What’s the only other advantage of being an orphan?
The teacher can’t give you homework.
Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the beach?
Because she can’t hear the sea.
Why can’t orphans go on a field trip?
Parent signature __________
Why can’t an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call “daddy.”
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she is a girl.
What can't orphans do?
Be homosexual because they have no home.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why can't you fool an aborted baby? Because it was not born yesterday.
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."
I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
They call me Mr. Distracted, truly a spastic. Can't talk to my folks cause they say I'm pro- problematic. Really fantastic. Can't focus unless I take meds then it's magic. My brain is like traffic, always fucking active. But never at the right time, pretty fucking tragic it happens.
Hey you, the person who's scrolling, I know you might have depression and some feel they can't talk to anyone about it, so in the comments please, if you need to talk to others, if you comment about it and say you need to talk to someone, I promise you that I will talk to you. You are not alone, and even though it seems it won't change and get better, it will, I promise.
Please no harsh comments toward each other.
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
Why can't people in wheelchairs pass high school?
The pacer test.
When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.
Your momma is so fat, she can't even go skinny dipping.
What's the difference between tuna, a piano and glue?
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.
To not be outdone, the blond retorts:
"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"