Cant jokes
Why can’t an orphan eat a bag of chips?
Because it was family size.
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
Why can't Juice WRLD hit rock bottom?
Because he's too high.
Why can't Stephen Hawking be the real Slim Shady?
Because he can't stand up, can't stand up.
A man has been dating a girl forever. He finally says, "I love you." The girl says, "Aww, thanks." The man looks at her, "Are you not gonna say it back?" The girl says, "No, I can’t."
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why can't an orphan see their parents? Because there is mayo in his dick hole.
Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.
Why don't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't run home.
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, cute lady!"
Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."
Man: "Not for long!"
And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.
Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"
Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."
Woman: "Never."
And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.
Man: "You look like a dream."
Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"
Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"
And then the man orders flowers and candy.
Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."
And the man shoots the bartender.
Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.
Why can't orphans play on a computer?
'Cause they have no motherboard.
Why can’t Hitler do track?
He can’t even finish a race.
Why can't an orphan get caught on the hub? They have no parents to catch them.
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
They can’t find home.
The doe comes out of the woods, shakes herself, and says,
"I can't believe I did that for 2 bucks!"
Why can’t a tree have sex? They are always tied up.
Why can’t Chinese orphans play baseball?
They cannot run home.
I aced my poker test...
My teacher asked me to reflect on my work, so I got a mirror...
A caffeinated vampire goes to sleep in a coffin...
Do you get my puns? No, because you can't seem to get a grasp on how bad they are...