Cant jokes

If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.

If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

Help me....

Why can't orphans play Monopoly?

Because they never get a full house.

Lucifer's so broke he can't even afford air conditioning units.

What is big, yellow, and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.

Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive?

A: Because she's a woman.

Why can’t orphans pick up their phone after school?

Because they need their parents to go pick it up.

Have you heard of the new book about anti-gravity?

Well, I just can't seem to put it down.

Why can’t orphans go on field trips?

Because they can’t get their parents’ permission.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? Stephen can't walkie and Stephen can't talkie.

Why did the chicken cro-

UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓

Why can't orphans get five stars in GTA?

Because they're not wanted.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call "Daddy!"

It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.

An orphan went on a game show.

The host looked at him and said, "You can't play, this is Family Feud."

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of kids.

You know why orphans can't play baseball? 'Cause they can't find home.

Why can't orphans go on an away trip? Because they already are on one.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

It's me. I can't get in because Stephen Hawking is blocking the door!

Why does this stingray's wife can't stop babbling?

'Cause she can't watch her mouth.

Q: Why can't orphans ever win at Yahtzee?

A: Because they can never seem to get a full house.