Canning jokes
Why can't I touch little old women, but nursing home nurses can?
I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.
But I got seven Up.
Your forehead is so big you can headbutt my face and chest at the same time.
B: Can you please stop roasting me?
A: At least the "roasting" that I did to you didn't burn you to death.
What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash its crack and sell it again.
Memes
Why does an orphan like church so much? So he can call someone "father."
Terrorist: We can go over it, we can’t go under it, let’s go through it.
What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?
They can both carve a new emotion.
Why does the orphan like nature? He can call someone "mother."
Why aren't blind people in Brazil?
Because they can only read Braille. 🇧🇷 🙄
My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?
Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.
What type of horse can jump higher than a house?
All houses can't jump.
Why do emos have friends?
So they can hang with each other.
Aren't paraplegics just plegics who can fly?
People have been telling me that you can get things for free now.
The other day I saw a sign saying "FREE PALESTINE."
Your forehead is so big you can land a jumbo jet on it.
Why do orphans become criminals?
So they can become wanted for once.
Q: What's an orphan's favorite game?
A: The Sims 4, because then they can simulate having a family.
Why can you hit orphans?
Because they can't tell their parents.