Canning jokes

Most annoying thing...

When we send something in WhatsApp thinking our friend is online but can only see two grey ticks...

There is a rich child and a poor child. The rich child invites the poor child to his house and shows him all the toys and tells him: "Look at what a beautiful radio-controlled airplane I have! You don't have it because you are poor!" The poor child answers: "You're right, it's very nice, but I have one thing that you don't have!" The rich child then invites him into the garden and shows him the swimming pool, the trampoline, and all the other games that can be done outdoors and says to the poor child: "Look at that beautiful swimming pool I have! It is very big; you don't have it because you are poor!" And the poor child says: "Beautiful, it is really beautiful! But one thing that you don't have." So the rich child feels bad. He says: "Wait, but I'm rich! How is it possible? I have everything I want because I'm rich. Why do you have something that I don't have?" And the poor child says: "I have cancer!"

Why do more men than women support abortion? So they can keep raping women and the victims will just abort their kids to not have to relive the experience!

Hi guys, so today I have not thought of a joke, and I'm not really sure what to do, so I thought I would do kinda a blog sort of thing, so hope you enjoy, and you don't have to read this!

So I woke up this morning and heard this weird noise, and it was my dad building me a new gymnastics bar so I can have uneven bars, which I am so excited about! And I am so glad that you guys have been nice and liking my jokes and stuff, but also, make sure to comment below if you want to tell me what kind of jokes you want and what you want me to do, and also, feel free to talk to me! Love y'all!!!

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

You can hang the picture with one nail.

What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?

You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"

Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?

A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏

Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?

Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.

Why can Asian people buy phones?

'Cause they might call the wrong number.

Your mama is so ugly even Dora can't explore her.

Teacher: Where is your slip so I can see you can come on this trip?

Orphan: Parent signature: ___________

Why can Chinese people play baseball?

Because they ate the bat.

Why do orphans like to go to church?

It is the only place where they can call a father.

Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?

They both can throw a hook.

Where can you find a list of dead astronauts? In the orbituaries.

You’re so ugly, I can see why your dad left now.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Lay on the bed, So I can fuck you.

Your life literally is as valuable as a summer ant. I'm just gonna stomp you, you're gonna keep coming back, I'm gonna seal up all my cracks, you're gonna keep coming back, why? Cause you keep smelling the syrup, you worthless bitchass nlgga! You're gonna stay on my dick until you die. You serve no purpose in life, your purpose in life is to be on my stream sucking on my dick daily. Your purpose in life is to be in that chat blowing a dick daily. Your life is nothing, you serve ZERO purpose. You should kill yourself, NOW! And give somebody else a piece of that oxygen and ozone layer that's covered up so we can breathe inside this blue trapped bubble. Cause what are you here for? To worship me? Kill yourself! I mean that with a hundred percent with a thousand percent.

What is a kind thing to say to someone and what is a rude thing to say to someone?

Kind thing to say to someone: You are the most perfect you there is. Your outlook on life is amaz- (BLAH, BLAH, BLAH ENOUGH!)

Rudist thing to say too someone: You more uglyer than my mama's boyfriend. You are a son of a b word! Okay that is so much rude and why you can say that to a tree but anyway not the point. Bonus: The world's most weirdest name to say to a girl, is Nutter butter, we know that's a weird *and* stupid name because she is not nutter or butter she is a person not a thing! Oh well bye!!!!