Canning jokes

Why can the orphan only go to restaurants?

Because they can't have homemade meals.

What type of cake can orphans not have?

Homemade.

Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.

What’s worse than Sally in one trash can?

Sally in 13 trash cans.

Michael proved anything is possible in America. Where else can a poor black boy grow up to be a rich white woman?

A man gets captured by cannibals.

Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."

Why is it ok to hit an orphan?

It's not like they can tell their parents.

How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?

If it sinks it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s boy-ant (buoyant).

What is the best power that man can do? They can move the mountain with their tongue.

Your butt's so big you can slap it and ride the waves.

Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today and treat others how you want to be treated!

Rate your day on a scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment [on] what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.

For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills, so he asks the bartender if it's a jar of tips. The bartender says no, it's for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, "Well, if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month." So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog. When all is silent, the man walks in and asks, "So where is the fat lady with the tooth?"

Riddles not jokes.

What has 4 legs but cannot walk?

What has bark but no bite?

There's a one-story house in which everything is orange. Orange walls, orange doors, orange furniture. What color are the stairs?

What has holes but can carry water?

What is in front of you, but cannot be seen?

What is something you have inside you that is pink, but cannot be seen?

What can you catch but not throw?

And last one:

What can rule, but not command?

Tell me the answers in the comments.

Like 90% of this was from this link: https://parade.com/947956/parade/riddles/

One more thing: Don't google it or search it up, use your brain to answer these.

What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A prostitute only has one crack, and has to wash it and sell it again.

Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?

Good thing it was a "soft" drink!

What kind of dog can do magic tricks?

A labracadabrador.

Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?

A: Fall.

If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.

Only a genius can say this.

I am stupid.

I called the suicide hotline in Iraq. The person got excited and asked if I can drive a truck.