Canning jokes

What can jump the highest?

Emo kids, some are still in the air.

What game can an emo play on their wrists without an ink pen?

Tic-tac-toe.

What do emo boys and emo girls have in common? They both wanna die and cut so they can die faster, but they are already dead, already dead to me!

A kid had school today.

He was late every single day. He said in his mind, "I wish I can go to school again." What happened? It's obvious...... He died :)

Do you have a halo, cause I can give you one.

Why are Democrats represented by the donkey? Because some Democrats can be such an ass!

Using pi, distract the fat kid next to you so you can copy his answers.

I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"

What’s the difference between a Black dad and a Pizza?

One can feed a family.

I had sex with a disabled girl. You can say I handiclapped those cheeks.

Donald Trump and the Pope were standing on a platform in front of a crowd of people. The Pope said to Donald Trump, “I can make everyone in this audience happy with one small swipe of my hand.”

Donald Trump replies, “That’s not possible. You’ll have to show me.” Then the Pope slaps him.

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”

Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂

Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.

Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.

I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

Prince will be coming back in 10 mins here is a joke.

Gwen: Prince sorry but I'm wanting someone else instead. You've just been a complete jackass toward me, sorry good night.

Prince: Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gwen: Good night!

Prince: Why?

Gwen: Because...now good night!

Prince: We can work some things out?

Gwen: Nope...NOW GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!!

To be continued

So, my dad was drinking, so he was drunk, and I was sad. But can you be my friend, please?

Why do orphans play GTA?

To be wanted.

Why do orphanages give out free phones?

So you can press the home button.

Why can Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.

Kenny: "Tyler, you're lucky you're adopted."

Tyler: "Why?"

Kenny: "Because you can fuck your mom without getting arrested for incest."

Disabled man stands up.

Blind man: “You can stand?”

Deaf man: “You can see?”

Mute man: “You can hear?”

Disabled man: “You can talk?”

Doctor: “What the actual fuck?”

Other doctor: “FUCK THIS, I QUIT!”

Why can you bully orphans?

What are they gonna do, go tell their parents?