Little Johnny said to his mate, "I bet I can make you swear." His mate said, "Good luck." So Johnny told his mate that he slept with his sister. His mate yelled, "I'm gonna fucking kill you!"
Canning Jokes
Why did the knight cross the road?
He can't because his armor was too heavy.
Why do orphans play GTA?
So they can get wanted.
How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.
Why do the orphans not play baseball?
They can never find home.
What can fly underwater?
A mosquito in a submarine.
Husband: I look fat, can someone compliment me?
Wife: You have good eyesight.
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
That forehead is so tall it can eat a plane! Open wide!
Why do orphans love to go to church?
Because they can finally call someone "father!"
Yo mama, why do you have to jump in the pool as soon as I can find the water on Mario? I mean, Mario jump to Mars!
Why can't we see or sense kamikazes' bombs?
They're out of plane sight.
We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.
Kalyn: Mrs. Frizzle,
Mrs. Frizzle: Sure.
Kalyn: Can you spell I-C-U-P for me?
Mrs. Frizzle: Shut up, you little fucktard!
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener!
Wow, Aiden, maybe you've been mean to Tenya. She is hurting, close to killing herself, but hey, I can pick your ass since, ya know, that is what I do!
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
Because then they can play catch.
Why does a cow love music?
Because it can play a moo-sical instrument.
