Canning jokes
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.
She's not the only one who can play that game.
Why do orphans suck at baseball?
They can never find home.
"Bonus, we can even watch a movie and still chat! Love you!
Which one do you want to watch? 😀"
Memes
A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"
The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"
Why can orphans go to Thacker Jewelry?
They love to see the whole family.
-->[] go through the door if you can.
Son: Mom, can I tell you something?
Mom: Yes, of course, honey, what's up?
Son: Ok, you have terrible jokes! They're not even funny!
Mom: Well, I made you.
I see 6 letters in "the past."
I have 2020 vision.
I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.
A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms: It was her imaginenation.
Why did the dog want a kiss? Because he can see his knees.
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?
"Can you give me some pointers?"
Do you have a halo?
'Cause I can give it to you.
I can cry, but I don't have eyes. I can fly, but I don't have wings. Who am I?
A cloud.
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
Teacher: What’s 2+2?
Jimmy: 2+2=feEesh
Teacher: Well, Jimmy I can see you're going places, not college, but places.
"Can you tie a knot?"
"I cannot."
"So you can knot?"
"No, I cannot knot."
"Not knot?"
"Who's there?"
"F... off!"