Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"
Canning Jokes
What is the similarity between math and buildings?
Two parallel lines can be intersected by a plane.
Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?
God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.
But I can break yours today, hopefully.
Cool people: I can do anything.
Normal people: I can do nothing.
Why tie when you can knot?
Why do they put barcodes on the ships in Norway?
Why?
So when they come into port, they can Scan-de-navian.
What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?
"Can you give me some pointers?"
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
Teacher: What’s 2+2?
Jimmy: 2+2=feEesh
Teacher: Well, Jimmy I can see you're going places, not college, but places.
"Can you tie a knot?"
"I cannot."
"So you can knot?"
"No, I cannot knot."
"Not knot?"
"Who's there?"
"F... off!"
Q: Get up for a chair joke!
A: Oh, never mind, you can sit down.
The tortoise can't go out to play, Or sell his house or rent it. For when he moves, his house moves too, And nothing can prevent it.
What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?
"Damn, that's really stiff!"
What’s one thing that an orphan can never get in poker?
A full house.
Monkeys are big, but they sure can swing very lightly.
Why doesn't Mexico win any medals in the summer Olympics anymore?
Because all the Mexicans that can run, swim, or jump are already here.
Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.
I was wrong about AISH workers having no value.
If you get to them soon enough after the murder, you can harvest a few organs.
