Canning jokes
Why tie when you can knot?
"Can you tie a knot?"
"I cannot."
"So you can knot?"
"No, I cannot knot."
"Not knot?"
"Who's there?"
"F... off!"
Q: Get up for a chair joke!
A: Oh, never mind, you can sit down.
Why can orphans only watch G-rated movies?
Because they have no parental guidance.
Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!
Memes
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?
God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!
What is the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?
Usain Bolt can finish a race.
I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
So he can be hit by a car and be reunited with his parents.
Are you going to jump? Can I jump with you?
Your hairline is pushed back; we can see what you are thinking of.
You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.
Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"
Cool people: I can do anything.
Normal people: I can do nothing.
What is the similarity between math and buildings?
Two parallel lines can be intersected by a plane.
Yo momma's so fat, when she gets an abortion, she can feed the entire country of Africa leftovers.
What’s one thing that an orphan can never get in poker?
A full house.
Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?
Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"
Why can orphans never walk home?
Because there's no way to go.