Canning jokes

You can hit an orphan, because who are they gonna tell? Their parents?

Bob: Can I come to your house to meet your family?

Orphan: I don't have a family.

Boy: Hello, Mom, can I have $50?

Mom: Does it look like I am made of money?

Boy: That's what M.O.M. means, right?

What do a priest and Christmas tree lights have in common?

They can both flash.

What's one advantage of being an orphan?

Nobody can make mama jokes about you. 🌚

To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.

Why do orphans love Oreos?

Because when they have a family pack, they can eat it all!

Why do orphans love role-plays?

Because they can call someone "daddy."

Me: I hit an orphan!

Mom: OMG WHY?

Me: Not like they can tell their parents-

If you call the number 800-273-8500 in Afghanistan, they say, "Can you fly a plane?"

You're so tall you can go see God, but you're so tall your balls got small.

Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.

I can't stand up when I laugh hard; neither can they.

Why does Helen Keller use her left hand to play with herself?

So she can moan with her right hand.

Welcome to Joe's abortion clinic! No fetus can beat us! You make 'em, we take 'em!

When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.

Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy).

Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle).

Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what's the third son's name? A: David.

I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.

Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)

A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"