Canning jokes

So can we agree that Jesus was the first victim of cancel culture?

Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!

What do Helen Keller and orphans have in common?

Neither of them can see or hear their parents.

Why can you bully an orphan?

Because they can’t tell their parents.

What is the difference between E.T. and an orphan?

E.T. can actually call home.

Let's hope the new tower doesn't go plane watching like the old ones.

North Tower: "Hey, South Tower, we can talk later; I gotta catch a plane!"

I’m in a wheelchair and I can do stand-up comedy, oh wait...

Your hairline goes so far back you can see a full world scale map in your forehead reflection.

What's the difference between Palestine and yo mama?

Yo mama can be found on Google maps.

I'm reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen, I can FEEL it!

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be the dolphin, you can be the jellyfish.

What is a redneck virgin?

Answer: A seven-year-old that can run faster than her brothers!

Kid 1: Words can't describe how ugly you are.

Kid 2: Words can describe how beautiful you are.

Kid 1: Aw, thanks!

Kid 2: But numbers can. 0/10

What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?

What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?

Have a blood transfusion.

What can you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing that you haven't told her twice already.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water.

WHERE DO THEY REALLY GO BECAUSE WATER CAN NOT BE AT THE TOP OF A HILL!?. I honestly think that only people with a physics degree can make nursery rhythms.

Why did the dinosaur take a bath?

So it can get ex-stinked!

Can a guy in a wheelchair be a stand-up comedian?

Why do orphans love going to church?

Because they can call someone "father."