Canning jokes
Quote of the day:
Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.
[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]
Why can’t you sell nans, but you can sell zebras?
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
Why can't orphans make dad jokes? Because they don't have one.
Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?”
“No,” said his mom, “Of course not.”
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay! We can play that game!”
Memes
What does an orphan and a wheelchair have in common?
They can both be replaced.
She asked:
"How can you explain a yellow color to a blind man?"
What do you call a hamburger that can talk and walk?
Funny weird walkie hamburger and talkie cute hamburger. Lol.
For some reason, my mom likes to lick and suck on hotdogs. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
What can run, be an eyesore, and practice social distancing?
Your hairline.
Why don’t I shut myself all the time?
I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.
What is the difference between an orphan and a non-orphan? You can slap the orphan, but not the non-orphan because they can actually tell their parents.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't hit a home run.
Who can jump the highest?
Emos, some of them are still falling.
Why do orphans play tennis?
So they can finally get love.
Can you imagine what was the last thing that went through their brains?
The knee caps.
A man walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in Glad Wrap.
The doctor replies with: "I can clearly see your nuts."
Can emo kids get happy meals?
Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."
If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?