Canning jokes

How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.

You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.

Ever have an Italian sausage in a can?

You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.

Why do orphans like Minecraft? So they can build a home...

But a creeper blows it up.

Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"

Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"

Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*

Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"

Lady: "Let me do that."

Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"

Orphans can be a robber if they want because their parents won't be disappointed.

If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?

Why can't orphans ever be criminals?

He is not wanted.

Q: Why can emos wear dog collars at school, but people can't wear hats? WTF school!

Did you know you can slap an orphan all you want, because what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What thing can an orphan do best?

Stay at home alone.

Teacher said, "You never do your homework," so I shot her 7 times with a M1 BushDid911 and replied, "It's all in my backpack, can you grade it please?"

What do orphans, parents, and Nemo have in common?

Neither can be found.

Why does the singer put a radio in her fridge?

Because she can listen to call music.

I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.

Why is it okay to hit an orphan?

Not like they can tell their parents.

Why do orphans love going to church?

So they can call someone "father."