Canning jokes

What do me and Monster cans have in common? A barcode.

I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.

Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?

Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.

Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?

Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?

Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.

What can a gay man with a physical disability do better than a heterosexual woman that doesn't have a physical disability?

Suck a big cock.

What is the origin of the glory hole?

The origins can be found in San Francisco, California, where historians claim that a meat thermometer was sticking out of a hole from both sides, especially the divider between bathroom stalls inside the men's restroom used for an anonymous massage for gay men by gay men in San Francisco, CA, in the Wild West.

Momma's so fat, she can use her belly button as a breakfast bowl.

What's one advantage of being an orphan?

Nobody can make mama jokes about you. 🌚

What did Vegeta say to Bulma?

What?

Can I show you my new move? It's called BIG BANG ATTACKKKK! :)

I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)

What do a priest and Christmas tree lights have in common?

They can both flash.

What's the difference between Jesus and Christmas tree lights?

They can both flash.

🇻🇪 Finally, I am a trillionaire. Now I can buy bread.

Q: I have a fish that can breakdance! A: Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

What did the calculator say to the student?

You can always count on me.

How can you get free butt plants? Just get your man to fill your butt with natural juices.

I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.

Why can an orphan never get picked up?

Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL

I don't get it.

Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".