Canning jokes
What thing can jump the highest?
Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.
Why can orphans not play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.
The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.
"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"
Sally: "You..."
Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"
Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."
Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"
Johnny: "A pig."
Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "
Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"
Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?
Little Johnny: "Your wife."
Q: Why can you be rude to an orphan?
A: Because who are they gonna tell their parents?
Welcome to Joe's abortion clinic! No fetus can beat us! You make 'em, we take 'em!
The potholes so big in Oklahoma Can make a whole garden.
Why does Helen Keller use her left hand to play with herself?
So she can moan with her right hand.
It looks like Will Smith slapped your hairline so hard that the dinosaurs can see it now.
Aren't paraplegics just plegics who can fly?
9/11
This is so sad, can we hit 50 likes?!
Why can orphans never go on field trips?
Because they can’t get a parent signature.
Why do orphans never use other people's Wi-Fi?
So they can be connected.
Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?
A: It means cats and dogs can talk.
Me: Doctor, can I get a new butt? My old one has a crack in it.
Doctor: I told you a billion times already. Everyone's butt has a crack in it.
Me: How do you know that?
What’s the comparison of an emo and a highlighter?
You can pop their head off.
I give bubblegum to the homeless so they can chew it and still be hungry.
Why do I love a block? Because I can fall off the stairs.
You're so tall you can go see God, but you're so tall your balls got small.