Canning jokes

Welcome to Joe's abortion clinic! No fetus can beat us! You make 'em, we take 'em!

The potholes so big in Oklahoma Can make a whole garden.

Why does Helen Keller use her left hand to play with herself?

So she can moan with her right hand.

It looks like Will Smith slapped your hairline so hard that the dinosaurs can see it now.

Aren't paraplegics just plegics who can fly?

9/11

This is so sad, can we hit 50 likes?!

Why can orphans never go on field trips?

Because they can’t get a parent signature.

Why do orphans never use other people's Wi-Fi?

So they can be connected.

Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?

A: It means cats and dogs can talk.

Me: Doctor, can I get a new butt? My old one has a crack in it.

Doctor: I told you a billion times already. Everyone's butt has a crack in it.

Me: How do you know that?

What’s the comparison of an emo and a highlighter?

You can pop their head off.

I give bubblegum to the homeless so they can chew it and still be hungry.

Why do I love a block? Because I can fall off the stairs.

You're so tall you can go see God, but you're so tall your balls got small.

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and give her it so she can bleed more.

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.

You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????

I want to die at a party. This is because nobody can be sad over me.

Why should you put an orphanage by a cemetery?

So they can always see their parents.

What do you call a disabled person that can walk?

Enabled.