Canning jokes
What can jump the highest?
Emo kids, some are still in the air.
Why can orphans just be gay?
Cause they want to call somebody "daddy."
"Can I throw you away? You look like my trash can. Oh, wait, you *are* my trash can."
Bitch, I can make orange rhyme with banana.
BORNANA
Boy: "Hey mom, can we have ice cream?"
Orphan: "What's a mom?"
Why do candles like birthdays?
Because they can get lit!
Why aren't blind people in Brazil?
Because they can only read Braille. 🇧🇷 🙄
Q: Can orphans watch family-friendly movies?
What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?
...
I'm still trying to think of an answer.
Say what you want about Paul Walker, but he was a smart guy.
You can tell by the quantity of brain matter on his dashboard.
Can emos eat a happy meal, or is it a depressed meal?
Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.
He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.
Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"
He waited for three hours to get an answer.
His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."
Why crack your fingers when you can finger your crack?
What kind of tree can you High-Five?
A palm tree.
Person 1: Somebody farted.
Person 2: No, all I can smell is your breath.
Kenny: "Tyler, you're lucky you're adopted."
Tyler: "Why?"
Kenny: "Because you can fuck your mom without getting arrested for incest."
Johnny, Johnny?
Yes, Papa.
Eating sugar?
Yes, Papa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach, and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you’re mad at me for eating a little sugar.
Smoking? Telling lies?
Yes, Papa, you do all of those things because you’re a chronic addict.
Dear doctor,
I've heard it's a good sign when women scream your first name during sex, but recently women have been screaming my full name. It's weird, I feel like I'm famous. Can you tell me what this means?
Yours Truly, Ray Palp
Why do orphans love Oreos?
Because when they have a family pack, they can eat it all!