Broke jokes

My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."

What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"I thought what we had was special!"

Your cut [is] so broke, even Bob the Builder can't fix it.

You're so fat that you broke Thanos's snap!

What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?

A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.

Jack and Jill went down to hell to fetch your mother's bladder.

Her bladder broke. You two are soaked, and now you have a daughter, 'cause in that bladder was me!

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.

If you go broke, you could always rent parking garages on your huge ass forehead.

How do you know if an Asian has broken into your house?

Your dog is gone. ;)

A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.

“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

Pin drop silence in the class!

"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”

Yo mama so fat, Bill Gates went broke trying to buy her dinner.

Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!

What do orphans and broken up couples have in common?

They can't see each other anymore.

Your mama is so fat, when I think of her in my head, she just broke my neck.

I broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back?

Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

Yo mom is so fat that when she stands on a scale, she broke it, lol.

Lucifer's so broke he can't even afford air conditioning units.

Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.

Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!

Rachel: Alright!

On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.

Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!

My friend broke his tie. That's a tie breaker.