Bringing jokes

A young orphan boy goes to school for the first time. A bigger boy comes and punches him. He says, "What are you gonna do, cry to your mommy?" The boy cries.

Next morning, he wakes up and comes to school. The same thing happens, but the older boy brings his friends. This time, after he says, "You gonna tell your mom?", the little boy says, "Yes, I will tell them that there is company coming over."

Hey, join me. I be near the tree. Bring things to.

A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.

Teacher: Everyone, tomorrow is bring your mom to school day.

Me: Sorry but my mom's not gonna make it.

Teacher: Why?

Me: I'm an orphan, bitch.

America has white people that are terrorists and racists. They love to blame people from different countries for what they have done.

White person: "We are not terrorists. Why would [we] ever do that in our history?"

The rest of the people: *looks at them stupid* "Y'all were the first motherfuckers to be a terrorist first and then wanting to blame others for your action."

1 person: "You still carrying that confederate flag. It means hatred and [you're] still trying to fight to bring back slaves again. Y'all say it's heritage and not hate, but [you're] clearly still a fucking loser, and your flag has an X [on it, which] means wrong. So... Still a loser. People can't be racist to a racist. It just doesn't make sense. I'm not saying all white people are racist, but I am talking about the ones who voted for Trump and be blind as hell. FUCK DONALD TRUMP AND THE RACIST PEOPLE!"

Why would you leave a damn gorilla out in the middle of the parking lot after you let the zookeeper bring a chimpanzee home from the zoo because me and the gorilla had too much to drink?

When the autistic kid brings a gun to school and thinks it’s a dart gun.

Why did the astronaut bring the seeds to space?

Because he wants to planet the seed! 🤣🤣🤣

Average Kid: brings mp3 to school.

Rich Kid: Brings mp4 to school.

Quiet Kid: Brings an mp5.

I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.

DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.

SON: Why?

DAD: You're going to need them.

— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?

— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.

So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”

September 11, bring your plane to work day.

Yo mama's so fat, a man has to bring climbing equipment to kiss her on the cheek.

My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.

Where did Michael Jackson go to college?

Bring 'em young.

You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.

What did the kangaroo 🦘 bring to the cookout?

A jump rope!

What's the difference between a gun and chips? When you bring it to class, everyone starts wanting to be your friend.