Break jokes

Why did the biology teacher break up with the physics teacher?

Because there was no chemistry...

Why don't rappers ever become bankers?

Because they always break the BARS!

Say my name if you like "Breaking Bad."

So big that when you step, you break the whole galaxy.

Yo mama so fat, every time she measures her carbon footprint the website breaks.

Who robs and breaks into people's houses?

Why can you not let an orphan touch an iPhone 7? Because it would break if they touched the home button.

What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?

Answer: A promise.

"Gwen don't want break up! Please talk to me!"

What hurts the most? 😹

A. Breaking up before chewing.

B. Breaking up after chewing.

Ever tried looking in a mirror lately? I wouldn't, your crooked hairline might break it.

Q: What do you call a tsunami?

A: Your mom's water breaking.

I felt a window break once. It was pane-full!

What do you call a Titan who can't swim?

Titanic!

Imagine the Titanic with a lisp. It would be unthinkable. My version is imagine the Titanic with a lisp, it would be unsinkable.

What did the front half of the Titanic say to the other half when it hit the iceberg? I'm breaking up with you.

Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk to the nearest gas station a few miles back.

One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.

What animal always breaks the law? A cheetah.

There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.

The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

The teacher says, "That's right."

The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

"That's right," the teacher says.

The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.

"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.

The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.

"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"

"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.

The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.

"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.

What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?

I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!

Yo mama's like a fridge, she breaks down when she loses her cool.