Break jokes
Why did you and Sarah break up?
'Cause she cheetahed on me.
If the noose breaks, stab yourself!
If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!
If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*
John Wilkes Booth, to his fiancee: "I have an important role to play tonight at Ford's Theater."
Fiancee: "Break a leg!"
Yo mama so fat that when she gets in the truck, it breaks.
This is WPBS-TV. We'll pledge-break soon — thanks, viewers!
WTF is going on in texas
Q: What do you call a tsunami?
A: Your mom's water breaking.
I felt a window break once. It was pane-full!
What hurts the most? 😹
A. Breaking up before chewing.
B. Breaking up after chewing.
Ever tried looking in a mirror lately? I wouldn't, your crooked hairline might break it.
Say my name if you like "Breaking Bad."
So big that when you step, you break the whole galaxy.
Yo mama so fat, every time she measures her carbon footprint the website breaks.
Who robs and breaks into people's houses?
Why can you not let an orphan touch an iPhone 7? Because it would break if they touched the home button.
What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?
Answer: A promise.
"Gwen don't want break up! Please talk to me!"
What do you call a Titan who can't swim?
Titanic!
Imagine the Titanic with a lisp. It would be unthinkable. My version is imagine the Titanic with a lisp, it would be unsinkable.
What did the front half of the Titanic say to the other half when it hit the iceberg? I'm breaking up with you.
Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk to the nearest gas station a few miles back.
One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.
What animal always breaks the law? A cheetah.
There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.
The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
The teacher says, "That's right."
The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
"That's right," the teacher says.
The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.