Both jokes
A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all sitting in a hospital's waiting room for ultrasounds.
After a while, the brunette giggles while rubbing her belly. Both the blonde and redhead look over at her and ask, "What's with the giggling?"
The brunette replies, "I'm having a boy!"
The blonde and the redhead ask, "How do you know?"
"Because he was on top!" The brunette replies again.
The three go back to conversing, and then the redhead starts to giggle while rubbing her belly.
"What's with the giggling?" The blonde and brunette ask.
"I'm having a girl!" The redhead replies.
"Well, how do you know?" The blonde and brunette ask again.
"I was on top!"
All of a sudden, the blonde bursts into tears.
"Oh, honey! What's wrong?" The redhead and brunette ask.
"I'm having puppies!"
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?
Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.
Memes
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
nothing... they both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.
What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."
What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? Theyβre both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
What do emo kids and bats have in common?
They both hang from trees.
Whatβs similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.
How can you compare a gay prostitute to Pacman?
They both get paid to eat 200 balls!
What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?
They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.
What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?
Both are lying when they say "I'm a real boy."
(I'm a trans man myself lol)
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
What do planes and offices have in common?
They both tend to cross paths at the wake of disaster.
What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?
They both cannot see their family.
What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?
When you drop them both, everyone screams.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"