Both jokes
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
nothing... they both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.
What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.
Memes
What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.
What do emo kids and bats have in common?
They both hang from trees.
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?
Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!
How can you compare a gay prostitute to Pacman?
They both get paid to eat 200 balls!
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?
They both cannot see their family.
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.
What do the Titanic and the Montréal Canadiens have in common? They both sank to the bottom of the Atlantic.
What is one thing blind people and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.