Both jokes

What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?

They're both hookers.

What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.

What does the starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common?

Answer: They both circle Ur-Anus looking for Kling-Ons!

What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?

They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a Twinkie?

Nothing. They both squirt their white stuff when you eat it.

What do apples and depressed kids have in common?

They both hang on trees.

What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.

What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.

Q: There were two tampons walking down the road the other day. Guess what they said to each other?

A: Nothing, 'cause they're both stuck-up cunts.

What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.

What do emos and the Lorax have in common?

They both hang with trees.

What does my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.

What do Civil War veterans and pedophiles have in common?

They both prefer Minnie (mini) balls.

What does Michael Jackson have in common with Kmart?

They're both dead...

What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?

This would be much better if you were alive.

What’s the difference between Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker?

They both died at 95.

What do girls and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them.

What's in common with Michael Jackson and a phone?

Kids play with both of them.

Jesus and his friend went fishing. They both cast their lines out, and both of them get a bite, but Jesus's friend misses and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's a bad sentence to say; if you say it 3 times, something bad will happen to you." They cast it out again, and both get a bite, and Jesus's friend misses again and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus replied, "If you say that one more time, something bad will happen." They cast out again, and Jesus's friend's line snaps, and he says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's the last time something bad will happen." The biggest thunderstorm ever seen appeared, and a lightning bolt struck Jesus, and a voice came from the clouds, "Damn, I missed."

What do Evil Knievel and Michael Jackson have in common? Both have skidmarks on their helmets.

What is the similarity between a sloth and a depressed kid?

They both hang from trees.