Both jokes

What do kids and drugs have in common? I sell both of them.

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a Twinkie?

Nothing. They both squirt their white stuff when you eat it.

Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.

What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.

What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?

They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.

What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?

They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.

What does the starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common?

Answer: They both circle Ur-Anus looking for Kling-Ons!

What do apples and depressed kids have in common?

They both hang on trees.

What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.

What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.

What’s the difference between Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker?

They both died at 95.

Q: There were two tampons walking down the road the other day. Guess what they said to each other?

A: Nothing, 'cause they're both stuck-up cunts.

Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.

What do Civil War veterans and pedophiles have in common?

They both prefer Minnie (mini) balls.

What does Michael Jackson have in common with Kmart?

They're both dead...

What does my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.

What do emos and the Lorax have in common?

They both hang with trees.

What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?

This would be much better if you were alive.

What's in common with Michael Jackson and a phone?

Kids play with both of them.

What do girls and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them.

Jesus and his friend went fishing. They both cast their lines out, and both of them get a bite, but Jesus's friend misses and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's a bad sentence to say; if you say it 3 times, something bad will happen to you." They cast it out again, and both get a bite, and Jesus's friend misses again and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus replied, "If you say that one more time, something bad will happen." They cast out again, and Jesus's friend's line snaps, and he says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's the last time something bad will happen." The biggest thunderstorm ever seen appeared, and a lightning bolt struck Jesus, and a voice came from the clouds, "Damn, I missed."