Both jokes

Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee. His dad sees this and says, "I saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says, "I saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like butter anyway." Both Little Johnny and his dad go in for dinner. Johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. Little Johnny looks and smiles and says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"

What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?

They both have plastic in them.

What do women and pools have in common?

They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.

What do turtles and lesbians have in common?

They both choke on plastic.

What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?

Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.

What do children and lights have in common? They both hang from ceilings!

Not funny, here’s another.

Why can’t China play baseball? They ate the bat.

What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.

What does a kid and wine have in common?

Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.

What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?

Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.

What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?

They're both hookers.

What do vacuums and your mom have in common?

They both suck.

Why are Michael Jackson and caviar so much in common?

They both come on little white crackers.

Little Johnny is in class one day, and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says, "What's so funny?" He said, "I can see your bra strap." The teacher says, "Don't come back to class for a week," so he gets up and walks out. A few minutes later, little Billy starts laughing, and she asks, "What's funny now?" Little Billy said, "I can see both of your bra straps." The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom for a month." So little Billy got pissed, he walked out and slammed the door. This scared the teacher, and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up, then she stood back up, and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked, "Where do you think you're going?" He said, "Well, teach, after what I saw, I'm done with school for a lifetime."

What do Drake and math have in common? They’re both hard for kids.

What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?

They both like cracking open a cold one.

Yo mama is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.

What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.

What do a coin and an Irish man have in common?

They're both fun to flip off.

What does Michael Jackson and a lion have in common?

They're both predators.