Both jokes

What does a race track and your hairline have in common? They both go up and down.

What’s the difference between your dad and your hairline?

Nothing, they both ran off.

What does gum in my d*ck have in common?

Both get chewed on by little kids.

How is a priest like a wristwatch?

They both start at 12.

what do blind people and orphans have in conman? they both cant see they're parents...

Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"

The terrorists both say, "A beer."

The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"

One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Both of their greatest hits are "the wall."

What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?

They can both do dirty things.

What does an autistic kid and a porn video have in common? You can shoot both of them, just not in public.

What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?

Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.

Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.

The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.

The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.

What are the similarities between a pedophile and a 9/11 plane?

They both came from behind and crushed them.

What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"

Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?

Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.

What do an Olympic silver medalist and a Catholic priest have in common?

A: They both come in a little behind.

What's the difference between Jedi and a rapist?

Nothing, they both use the Force to get what they want.

What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?

They both erupt when triggered.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?

They both collapsed.

What do a stripper and a coconut have in common? They both have a creamy center.

What's the difference between an apple and emos?

They both hang on trees.