Body Image jokes

Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.

The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

So skinny you have to run around in the shower to get wet.

What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?

The feminist is overweight.

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?

Quarter pounder with cheese.

What do you say to a fat Asian?

You got more chins than a Chinese phone book.

Some girl just walks into my 6th period geography class. The first thing I think is, "Oh shit! It's mini Regina George without titties!"

A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."

A fat person with autism is a bit like decent sunscreen... A broad spectrum.

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

"If we don’t get some support people will think we are ball sacks..."

A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.

The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."

Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.

Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.

After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.

Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"

The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."

Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.

My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.

What do you call a FAT Man under 5'9"?

A JUMBO shrimp.

You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.

What do rocks and girls have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!

Guy: shows girlfriend his dick.

Girlfriend: "Cool, where is it?"

Boobs are like batteries...

AA will get the job done...

C is bigger than AA...

D is bigger that C...

...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!

Yo mama is so skinny, she uses floss as toilet paper.