Bill

Bill Jokes

A women brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.

The woman doesn't believe it and request further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his had and leaves the room with his tail low.

The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs of quickly.

"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, my beloved hamster is dead. "I'm sorry for your loss", the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars" says the vet. "what? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.

The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."

So a lady was walking down the street with two bags and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills and a cop pulls up and he says “ma’am ma’am your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills” then she says “Oh thank you I wonder how long that’s been going on” and the cop says “ before I help you may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bill” and the Lady says “OK I’ll tell you so I live next to a stadium and I have this beautiful rose garden but he’s dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes so they stick their junk through the fence and I grabbed your junk I said $100 dollars or its coming off” the cop says “oh OK well what’s the other bag for” and she says well not all of them want to give me $100.

The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.

My cousin: Brother I lost in a game of Call of Duty: Moe Bill [he was supposed to pronounce it as mobile however I left it as it is] Me: so tell me about it then. My cousin: I lost to Sum_Baldi Me: somebody? Don’t they have like the name of you opponents? My cousin: no no no the name was Sum_Baldi. S.U.M_B.A.L.D.I Me: Ok my bad. Continue My cousin: I got Sum_Baldi and 5 seconds later I got kill but [by] Sum_Fing_Wong. Me: it’s not wrong! In call of duty, you are suppose to kill or be killed. My cousin: no no no the name was Sum_Fing_Wong. S.U.M_F.I.N.G_W.O.N.G Me: my bad again. Do continue. My cousin: I got so angry I blowup Me: so you got blowed up, by what weapon? My cousin: by the game. Me: [was not expecting that for an answer]

1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. 2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon. 3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.” 4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop. 5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river. 6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils. 7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope. 8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves. 9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match. 10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee. 11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”). 12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted. 13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff. 14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat. 15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball. 16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing. 17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.

Yo what quacking lacking?looking for a ducking good time?I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill.what happens flied upside down?it quacks up.

Normal girl staying her opinion. My name is Jade Harris. I don’t know if you guys know it but “rape” jokes is really starting to get sexist and could lead to people getting raped. IT IS MY OPINION PEOPLE DON’T HATE ME! 😡. People are talking about how men are more better than women but men and women are both good, some one posted about how they hate the media being about women and other bull crap but fuck it I hate the media being about both genders. And people sound like fucking rapist here!!! Some boy did story time and then said women are weak and I can rape a women if I feel like it and shit! But know one knows what it feels like to be a women? Only women do. 😠. Women have to have kids with men of course but it is hard to be a like that. 1 we grow up just the same as men and men don’t always get judge for dressing except for that stupid pants were we can see ur underwear shit which is. Pt style. Women are the ones who pay the bills, lose half of there energy and MOST of the time take care of the kids and work for a living men do too. But women get raped and harassed and molested and sexual assaulted/battery/abuse, and when a women wants to dress up how she feels she gets slit shamed for it. So really being a women is harder will being both genders are. Facts!!!

I'm just gonna say it. And don't get offended but I'm so sick of the media bieng on the female side. It never shows what life is like for a male.

Yes women do have it hard in life because they have to give birth etc.

But men have it pretty hard too if not harder. Males are criticised for showing emotions.

Men have to go to war on the front lines.

Boys have less support from their friends because showing any emotion is a sign of weakness.

Boys have to wear trousers in schools where they practically burn to death in summer meanwhile girls get to wear dresses and skirts. And now we hear girls complaining about them not being allowed to wear trousers. Yet we haven't ever heard anything about boys protesting about wearing shorts to school. It's because no one will take a man's protest seriously because the media is always against the men.

Man-rape is unheard of in the media and I've never seen anything in any form of news accusing a woman as a rapist.

We are expected to gather up our guts ask a girl to be their girlfriend, we have to take them on dates, pay the bill, buy them gifts when the girls never do anything like that for us males. We have to get a job while they put on makeup and go out with their friends and spend 3 months worth of the money the man has made.

And the women say we only rape women and that we restrict women from doing certain things like fighting in world wars.

It's because most males do not want females to get hurt. Yet we are criticised for this.

I propose a idea that on the 19 of September every year (until we get the point across) all males do not go to work. etc.

Whose going to put out all the fires? The two fire'women' at the local fire station. Who is going to work in the major corporations? The secretary's and the receptionist?

Women are always saying that the world will be a better place if they're are no men around. Let's show them how wrong they are.

(this event can be done worldwide)

Share this with as many people who still believe in the rights of the males.

(I'm not against feminism it's just that everything in the media is about some stupid problem women are complaining about + hatred for males everywhere.

But I think that nowadays women have more rights than men because they can wear what they want, do what they want and never get criticised or face any consequences.)