Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?
Because he has holes in his feet.
Why doesn't Jesus buy beer?
Hebrews.
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
How does Moses make his cup of tea?
He brews it.
Jesus said to his disciples, "Go forth and ye shall receive eternal life." Thomas came fifth, however, so he only got a toaster.
Why is the bible like a penis You get it forced down your throat by a priest
Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.
Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.
Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."
What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
And the Lord said unto John, βCome forth and you will receive eternal life.β
But John came fifth, and he got a toaster.
One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"
Did jesus cut his nails? No! His nails cut through him.
Men and women are not equal, speaking biologically and mentally. I don't care what other feminists say. Men are naturally physically stronger, while women are more mentally stable (sometimes). The internet and the media will lie. You feminists say that you are stronger. Well, you wish. You can't hit a girl because she is more sensitive, but she says she is stronger. Like, what the hell?
We're not sexist men; you're sexist women. And BTW, you'll rot in hell for hating God's creation. And also, men were created before women. Search it up in the Bible or online.
Your hairline goes so far back that it had dinner with Jesus.
I used to believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
Why do you think after death the angel says do not be afraid?
Search up biblically accurate angels.
What's the difference between Jesus and a holy whore?
Jesus got pegged against a cross.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
What did Eve say to Adam?
"That is rock hard."
A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.
When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!
