Before jokes
Why do skeletons like having sex with short girls before eating?
They like to bone a petite.
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.
I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Man A: "Is Google male or female?"
Man B: "Female, because it does not let you finish the sentence before making a suggestion."
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
Memes
Whatβs the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A zit will wait until youβre twelve before it comes on your face.
Stop telling orphan jokes before they tell their parents.
Oh wait, they don't have any, please continue.
So, I met Michael Jackson before he died. He dragged me to his bed.
What did Michael Jackson say before he broke up with Billie Jean?
"Billie Jean is not my lover!"
One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).
My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.
Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.
What was Morgan Freeman called before the Civil War?
Morgan.
The other day my wife said, "Take me someplace I have never been before!" I said, "Why don't you try the kitchen?"
What was Stephen Hawking's name before he got his disease?
Stephen Walkins.
When you met her first before your parents met each other. (In the case of your mom dating her dad).
What did the captain of the Titanic do before the Titanic sunk?
He nominated everyone for the ice bucket awards.
The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."
The students said, "Oof, that is sad."
The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"
The students said, "Your parents."
The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.
Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight?
A: They get their shit packed the night before.
If a physically handicapped gay white male is sitting on the toilet in the handicapped stall, and if you are a gay white male that is well-endowed that is not physically handicapped, and if you want the physically handicapped gay white male who is sitting on the toilet in the handicapped stall to suck your dick, what do you do to convince him to suck your dick if you have a hard on and your horny as hell?
Put $25.00 under the handicapped stall before you put your dick under the handicapped stall.
Q: What were my son's last words before he died?
A: "Bye, Dad, I am going to school."
Slavery has existed in the western world for 3 centuries, but in the Arab regions it has existed before and is still going on, so why donβt people talk about it?
Because itβs only bad when white people do it.