Before jokes

Tiktoker: I will kill anyone who pours milk before cereal.

Depressed kid tiktok reply: *pours milk before cereal, pours cereal then takes a bite* I'll wait.

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.

I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

Why do skeletons like having sex with short girls before eating?

They like to bone a petite.

What does a person eat before a race?

Answer: They fast.

Man A: "Is Google male or female?"

Man B: "Female, because it does not let you finish the sentence before making a suggestion."

I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"

What did Michael Jackson say before he broke up with Billie Jean?

"Billie Jean is not my lover!"

So, I met Michael Jackson before he died. He dragged me to his bed.

Stop telling orphan jokes before they tell their parents.

Oh wait, they don't have any, please continue.

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

What's the only good part of your crush dying before you have the chance to bang her?

She can't say no!

One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).

My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.

Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.

Slavery has existed in the western world for 3 centuries, but in the Arab regions it has existed before and is still going on, so why don’t people talk about it?

Because it’s only bad when white people do it.

The other day my wife said, "Take me someplace I have never been before!" I said, "Why don't you try the kitchen?"

What was Morgan Freeman called before the Civil War?

Morgan.

What was Stephen Hawking's name before he got his disease?

Stephen Walkins.

When you met her first before your parents met each other. (In the case of your mom dating her dad).

What did the captain of the Titanic do before the Titanic sunk?

He nominated everyone for the ice bucket awards.

The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."

The students said, "Oof, that is sad."

The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"

The students said, "Your parents."

The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.

Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight?

A: They get their shit packed the night before.