Before jokes

What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?

"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"

She's so fat that when she steps onto a wood floor, the floorboard doesn't creak, it screams: "Goddamn!!!" before it snaps from the weight.

What did Pavol Demitra think before the Yaroslavl plane hit the ground?

"Oh shit, did I leave the stove on at home?"

9 months before I was born,

I went to a party with my dad and left with my mom.

If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.

Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.

Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.

What came before the dinosaurs?

Your hairline, because it's so far back!

Your forehead is so big, it gets home 50 min before you do.

What hurts the most? 😹

A. Breaking up before chewing.

B. Breaking up after chewing.

The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight.

I’m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.

You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?

There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.

A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?”

“Pop,” goes the weasel.

What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."

Déjà Vat: the feeling that you’ve heard that bad joke before.

A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"

And the women look at him as if they have never seen a man walk into a bar before.

How names were named.

"I have to go because my tailor is at the gym where he will chase coal before dawn."

"SAY THAT AGAIN. SO MANY GOOD NAMES!"

How ironic is this?! I was playing Jenga before the first plane hit the Twin Towers.

What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.