Before jokes

What did Rob O'Neill say before he shot Osama Bin Laden between the eyes?

"Go to HELLakbar!"

She's so fat that when she steps onto a wood floor, the floorboard doesn't creak, it screams: "Goddamn!!!" before it snaps from the weight.

What did Pavol Demitra think before the Yaroslavl plane hit the ground?

"Oh shit, did I leave the stove on at home?"

What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?

"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"

I will always remember my grandfather's last words before he died: "Is that a real chainsaw?"

What has to be broken before you can use it?

Answer: An egg.

You look like a cow went through puberty, put the milk before the cereal, then ate it with a fork with a little sprinkle of steak.

Knock knock. Who's there? Colin! Colin who? Colonisation!

Just kidding, colonisers don't knock before they come in.

Our hairline goes way back before dinosaurs lived.

What did the weed say before he got on the escalator?

Do you know what Fortnite was like before season 2 chapter 3? They put the Foundation / The Rock in the water where aliens were that season.

Wipe your feet before entering, but in Stephen Hawking's case, it is "Wipe your wheels."

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!

Me: What do you want to do for your birthday?

Fiancé: I want to go somewhere I've never been before!

Me: Well welcome to the Kitchen!

What do you call the worst feeling ever?

Drinking Big before Mini. :)

Déjà Vat: the feeling that you’ve heard that bad joke before.

9 months before I was born,

I went to a party with my dad and left with my mom.

What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."

If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.