Battery jokes

Yo mama is so stupid, she shoved two double A batteries up her butt and said, “I’ve got the power!”

Why didn't they just switch him on and off again, or switch his batteries?

1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

2. Oh, you’re talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.

3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.

Do you know why they call me battery saver?

I get turned on when it’s below 10%.

Why are batteries quicker than Stephen Hawking?

Because they can run out.

Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?

Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!

I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?

For one of the most highly regarded minds on the planet, it is a shame he could not create a longer-lasting battery.

Has anyone else ever been jealous when their laptop dies?

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

His wife forgot to plug his wheelchair into the wall.

I see what you did there.

I get jealous when my phone dies.

They say Jesus walked on water.

That's nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.

Roses are tree.

I shoved a battery up my butt.

Loona from Helluva Boss is a retarded mutt.

Everyone is talking about Head and Shoulders, and that if he never had a shower, his batteries would have got wet.

What’s the only type of batteries that they use in prisons? Duracell.

My phone was at 10%, and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen Hawking.

What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?

We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.

Why did Stephen die so early?

He didn't use long lasting batteries.

I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.