Helen Keller walked into a bar. Then a chair, then a table.
A swan, a goose and a penguin walked into a bar... I DUCKed.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants.” The pirate says, “Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts.”
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted. The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing." "What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun. "Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.
3 Nazis walk into a BAR
What does a bar fly and a Necrophiliac have in common?
They both enjoy a Cold one once in awhile.
A blonde walks into a bar.
Ouch.
Two kids walked into a bar, they were covered with blood. the bartender asked what happened. The youngest said "Well, we we're trying to paint our basement but we threw the babies too hard".
Priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids menu.
You go up to a bar and say hi he doesn’t look at you you keep saying hi he says what then you realize that he is the one that u stole his lady from but then he doesn’t give you any drink you say why he screams at you and then says YOUR FIVE
A dung beetle walks into a bar and says to another beetle " Is this stool taken?"
What is Michael Jackson's favorite candy bar? Milk-hee-hee way
Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq I never had kids
Guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and yells:who the fuck fucked my wife. Everybody silent for a second then the bartender said:mate you ain't got enough bullets
Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar, just kidding.
A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter, he approaches her and says "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion but I was curious to know if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?" The young lady smiles and says "That's a lot of money, of course I would." The doctor smiles and says "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?" The young lady says "What are you joking? That's no money at all, Of course I wouldn't, what do you think I am?" The Doctor smiles again and says "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."
These two guys were at a bar flirting with these girls the guy says " Are you a parking ticket, cause you got fine written all over you" The girl turn and say "How about you pay for them and then I can pay you back with me getting all over you"
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a Martinus. The bartender asks, "Don't you mean Martini?" Julius Caesar says, "No, I only want one."
