Bars jokes
A man walks into a bar, and there is a line of people waiting to punch him.
Yeah, that was the punchline.
Do you know what is good about being an orphan?
Every candy bar is family sized.
A man walks into a bar.
He had to have 13 stitches!
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”
A burger walks into a bar and says, "Hi sir, can I have a glass of water?"
And the waiter says, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve food here."
What's long, hard, and slimy?
A bar of soap.
What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools? A fruit stand.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
A horse walks into a bar.
The barman says...
"Why the long face?"
The warden is stronger than the ender dragon, but WHY IS IT NOT A BOSS?
(Doesn't have boss bar.)
A pancake and an egg walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink. The bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk. The lady complained about this, but then the bartender said, "Just shut up and swallow!"
I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?
The SPACE BAR!
So I was sitting at a bar, right? That fucking waitress came again, and guess what? She brought the wrong drinks again. So I send her away to get the correct drinks. And she came back again, with the wrong drinks!! Obviously, she was retarded. Anyways that's the story about how I met your mother.
Me be straight and bored.
Goes to my local bar which has a glory hole.
Out up spending the rest of the night there.
About to leave when, motherfucker, I realize I've been sucking a guy's cock this whole time.
):
So Kobe Bryant walked into a bar, just kidding, he's dead and his fame went spiraling out of control.