Bars jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't need protein bars. He just eats his own shit.

If Jonny ate 29 out of 30 chocolate bars what would he have? Diabetus. Jonny would have diabetus.

Ejaculated in her braces, call that children behind bars.

A guy walked into a bar.

A guy walked out of a bar.

Someone asked the former 2016 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton why she lost the 2016 presidential election to Donald John Trump, and the former 2016 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton said, "Because someone asked her what she would do for a Klondike Bar?"

A nucleus walked into a bar. He asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”

One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.

The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."

"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.

"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.

A grasshopper jumps into a bar.

The bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you."

The grasshopper says, "Seriously? Why would you name a drink Callum?"

A gay couple walks into a Muslim bar. The tender flares up and says, “let me guess, a little blood on the rocks?”

A priest and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says, "A beer please! and one for the road!"

A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"

And the women look at him as if they have never seen a man walk into a bar before.

A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."

A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"

Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."

Poipole walks into a bar and says “poipoipoipoi.”

The bartender says, “Sorry, but in order to get takeout, you have to know how to speak a foreign language.” Poipole says “Pika!”

6 Germans walk into a bar... and only three walk out.

What do you call a male prostitute in a bar...

Handy Andy.

So here's the joke. A bear walks into a bar and sits down and then....then..........then................................zzzz

A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The guy behind the bar says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets!"