A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, ‘This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.’ The guy replies, ‘Hey, why not?’ He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly. ‘Paint...my....house.’
A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"
The Barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
2 men ran into a bar, you would have thought after the first one hit it the second one would have seen it
How do rappers keep themselves clean?
They drop SOAP BARS
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar, and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks “What’s so magical about it?” the guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. the other tries, but falls of and dies.
The bartender shakes his head, and says.
"Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk superman.
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
A guy runs into a bar, and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”
The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says “what’s the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks? “ The man says “it’s not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place.”
3 vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks “a Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea”
A block of gold walked into a bar, the bartender said ‘AU, get out!”
Two chinamen walk into a bar, the landlord says why the same face.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says "A beer please! and one for the road!"
A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says "oh my god your shoulders are broad!" another woman says "are you sure it's a woman?"
Three men walk into a bar.. you would have thought the last one would have ducked
A termite walks into a bar and says, "So, is the bar tender here?"
2 Scientists walk into a bar, the first one asks for a glass of H2O, the second one asks for a glass of H2O too, the second one dies, why?
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks "where'd you get that lovely thing?" "Africa" the parrot replied.
A blind man walks into a bar And a table And a chair
