A man walks into a bar and orders a stiff drink. I gave him a glass of ice.

Me, a Chinese woman and he BFF walked into a bar. I asked the Chinese girl for her number. She said, “Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!” I said, “Wow!" Then her friend said, “She means 666-3629.”

How do you fit three gay guys on a bar stool? Flip it upside down.

A man walks into a bar with an alligator. he says to the bartender “I have a deal, if i can hold my dick in the alligators mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink” and so the bartender agreed. the man, like he said, had his dick in the alligators mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. he made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. he did it and drank his drinks. then he said to the amazed crowd, “would anyone like to volunteer?” one man raised his hand. he walked up to the man with the alligator and said, “just a warning, i don’t think i can hold my mouth open that long.”

your walking into a bar and you see 2 younger kids around 18 you call the manager to have them removed but no one came down. later that night you see the 2 18 year olds 1 was a girl and the other was a boy so you call the manager down no one came again. you confront them and tell them to leave, but one turns around and hits you. you are nocked out on the floor. when you wake up there is a hard feeling in your a** you turn ur head around and there is an autistic girl with a strap on in ur a** going fool on hard.

What do a girl and a bar have in common?

A- Liquor in the front poker in the back!!

A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, “So what will it be this time?” The penguin doesn’t answer because it’s a penguin.

People are like taquila glasses

you gotta shoot them down fast

A man walks into a bar, and says “OUCH”.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants.” The pirate says, “Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts.”

Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar… “GET OUT OF HERE!!!” The Bartender shouts we don’t serve your type!

Steven hawking walks into a bar oh, wait he doesn’t walk

If Bruno Mars was to run a pub and sell chocolate bars other than alcoholic drinks then he’ll have to call his pub a Mars Bar

So Stephen Hawking walks into a bar…

Two muffins are sitting in a bar.

The first muffin says to the bartender, “I’ll have the usual”.

The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human like structure, muffins lack brains which are an essential part to being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak. Thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.

so a cupkake walkes into a bar and sits down the bartender syas to himself dam this is some good shit

How do you call somebody who has bought a Corona? A Cor-owner.

a skeleton walk into a bar and said it takes “backbone” to mess with me and if you try to insult me i have thick skin.

why did the man walk into a bar. because he just broke up and he needs alcohol you dummy