Baby jokes
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"
Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"
What do my baby and dinosaurs have in common? They are both dead.
What's the difference between a baby and putty?
You can only eat one.
What bounces up and down at 100 miles per hour?
A baby tied to the back of a pick up truck.
If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.
Louie Fennell.
What do an abortion and a baby have in common?
The mom doesn't want either of them.
The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."
What's more fun than nailing a baby to the floor?
Ripping it off with a kick!
What's Stephen Hawking's other favorite song?
Steve Winwood's "Just Roll with It Baby."
A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."
Where's a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Chili's, because they got them baby back ribs.
What does Adam look like?
The fat ginger baby of Boss Baby.
A girl comes home and finds her dad and 4-year-old brother on the sofa. She says, "Dad, why is he wearing that face mask?"
The dad buckles his belt and says, "There's more for you, hunny."
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.
What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.
What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?
My dick while I'm doing it.