Asked Jokes

I started a new job. My boss said "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky". I said "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick".

She said "how do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied "you just ask nicely

I asked the gym trainer what type of machine i should use to get the best looking women

He said the ATM outside

I asked my Dad the other day.."At what age is it ok to have sex with girls?"He replied "When they leave school son, they are legal" Apparently 3.15pm is not what he meant.

what do you call a rich Chinese person cha-ching

ask Siri what rich North Koreans are there

siri "I could not find anything for this question"

why were the twin towers disappointed they asked for a pepperoni pizza and all the got was a plane

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later? I said yea I was gonna hang there

I took my girlfriend to a Chinese Restaraunt. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what is going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.

I asked the gym instructor

"can you teach me to do the splits?",

"How flexible are you?" He asked

"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was I told her I couldn't say never experienced it.

911, what’s your emergency? I asked, and listening to the quiet sobs of a litte kid on the other end of the line.

“I think my daddy want to kill me” the girl said and cried making me freeze on the spot as i recognized my daughter’s voice.

a man went into a library and asked for a book on how to do suicide and the librarian said "fuck off you wont bring it back"

BF: Babe, I have two questions.

GF: Ok, ask!

BF: Where have you been all my life?

GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?

BF: Can you please go back there?

How do you make a blind person jealous you ask if it’s a nice day out

I have an exam next week so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips

my mom asked me if i was okay so i replied i will be an jumped out the window!

One day my mom told me to take out the trash and I did . The next day mom asked me where is your sister and I said a garbage truck took her. Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left

A kid asks his dad why his name is expirence, the dad says that's what we give our mistake's.

My son, who is into astronomy, asked my how stars die i said usually from a overdose

I went to my sister room one day. I see a trophy, so I ask my sister how did you won this trophy my sister said to me the neighbors gave it to me because I gave out the best hand jobs in the neighbor. I guess my sister put her hands in good use.