I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.
Asked Jokes
What did the North Tower ask the South Tower?
My boyfriend and I were playing baseball last night with some of our friends. Halfway through the game we took a break and he asked me to hold his balls for him whilst he went to the toilet.
All our friends were shocked when I went into the boys' bathroom with him.
I suck his dick with a smile for hours at a time.
Stare at his nutsack while I hold back my cum tonight.
And when he ask me what position I say, "Doggystyle." (And when they ask me what position I say, "Doggystyle.")
But the fact is I can never get off of his fat dick. And all that they can ask is (Ask is, ask is) "I just wanna smack it" (I just wanna smack it)
Here's what the fact is He can put my asshole in a casket (Yuh, yuh, yuh) Asshole in a casket
So you can see I'm cummin' But you won't see me nut. And I'll just keep on suckin', I'm good (Yeah, I'm good)
And if he sucks my glizzy I will become dizzy But it keeps us busy, I'm good (Yeah, I'm good)
I've been twerking for boys for so long I've been flirting with boys for so long
My jaw's been hurting for so, so long it's real So long, it's real, so long, it's real
A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.
The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.
What did the South Tower ask the North Tower?
If someone says nobody asked, you could say, "Well, nobody asked for you to talk!"
So, little Johnny is walking down the street and asks a stranger, "Sir, what are hormones?"
Then the man replies, "The moans of a fucking whore!"
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."
My sister said I was only allowed to grate cheese, so I said to her that I’d prove her wrong.
The next day my mum asked me why my cheese was tan, and I said it was my own special recipe. My mum loved the cheese but she didn’t like it much after the funeral.
A teacher asked a class who killed Goliath. The first pupil said he wasn’t the one. The second said he doesn’t know. No one knew in the class.
The teacher got furious and dashed to the Head Master’s office to report. Immediately, the head master followed him back to the class with a cane. He growled- “If no one tells me who killed Goliath in this class, you will see fire!” Everyone in the class insisted on the fact that it wasn’t them.
Then the Head master looked at the teacher and said- “Mr. Dapo, are you sure that the person who killed Goliath is in this class?” The teacher fainted.
There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.
When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”
Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.
The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"
Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."
The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"
Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."
The poacher agrees but says that his assistant is ill and will need the man to come with him in his assistant's place. The man agrees, and so the poacher goes out to the jungle with the man.
The poacher brings a pair of handcuffs, a long stick, a shotgun, and a dog. They search through the jungle for about an hour and then spot a male gorilla above in the treetops.
The man asks the poacher what the plan is. The poacher replies, "I'm going to climb the tree and, when I get close enough, I'm going to start poking the gorilla with the stick until it falls out of the tree.
The dog is a specially trained dog. When the gorilla falls out of the tree, the dog will try to bite off the gorilla's balls. When the gorilla moves its hands to protect its balls, you put the handcuffs on it."
This all seems to make sense to the man, but he has one question. "What is the shotgun for?" he asks the poacher. The poacher responds: "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog."
A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"
Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"
The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"
Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."
My friend playing truth or dare asked me: "Dare".
My friends: "I dare you to go home."
We're no strangers to Aaron. You know the rules and so do I (do I). A full commitment's what I'm thinking of. You wouldn't get this from any other guy. I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling. Gotta make you understand. Never Aaron give you up. Never Aaron let you down. Never Aaron run around and desert you. Never Aaron make you cry. Never Aaron say goodbye. Never Aaron tell a lie and hurt you.
We've known each other for so long. Your heart's been aching, but you're too shy to say it (say it). Inside, we both know what's been going on (going on). We know the game and we're Aaron play it. And if you ask me how I'm feeling. Don't tell me you're too blind to see. Never Aaron give you up. Never Aaron let you down. Never Aaron run around and desert you. Never Aaron make you cry. Never Aaron say goodbye. Never Aaron tell a lie and hurt you.
Never Aaron give you up. Never Aaron let you down. Never Aaron run around and desert you. Never Aaron make you cry. Never Aaron say goodbye. Never Aaron tell a lie and hurt you.
We've known each other for so long. Your heart's been aching, but you're too shy to say it (to say it). Inside, we both know what's been going on (going on). We know the game and we're Aaron play it. I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling. Gotta make you understand. Never Aaron give you up. Never Aaron let you down. Never Aaron run around and desert you. Never Aaron make you cry. Never Aaron say goodbye. Never Aaron tell a lie and hurt you. Never Aaron give you up. Never Aaron let you down. Never Aaron run around and desert you. Never Aaron make you cry. Never Aaron say goodbye. Never Aaron tell a lie and hurt you. Never Aaron give you up. Never Aaron let you down. Never Aaron run around and desert you. Never Aaron make you cry. Never Aaron say goodbye. Never Aaron tell a lie and hurt you.
People always ask what the secret of our family's happiness is. It is simple really.
1. Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week.
2. We all give each other a hand when needed.
Last but not least, we play Twister.
Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.
Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"
Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".
"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"
Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."
Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."
