Ares jokes

So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.

The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."

Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."

So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.

Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"

The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?

Your dog's gone.

Your finances are done.

And your floaties.

What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.

There are sexiest women in politics.

They should be in a car showroom.

You are.

Roses are red, don’t touch the toys, these are what the priests use to lure in the boys.

A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.

He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"

Don't touch my pickles - they are very picklish.

Orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets 'em.

(Also, I banged ya mum ;))

If you ever get bored, just hit an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

There's something special about cemeteries.

People are dying to get inside.

Blood is red.

Bruises are blue. I forget the rest... um, I hate you...?

If you read this, you fucked your dad and your 4-year-old sister, you sick fuck... At least wait till they are 15.

A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.

Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."

Is it bad to hit an orphan?

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Well... I mean, they could go to church and try to gather that someone hit them.

A sibling went up to their other sibling and said, "Dad said you're adopted."

The other sibling said, "You are, too."

Then the first sibling goes, "No, I'm not."

And the sibling says, "We're twins."

The other kid goes, "And you're adopted... oh."

You are the joke.

All trucks are monster trucks if you’re afraid of trucks.

Eggs are so egg-cellent that they are sunny-side up.