Sometimes I feel ugly, then I think of my sister and get over it.
The man walks into a bar reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny piano and a tiny piano player the piano player starts playing the piano, the guy next to him asks where did you get that, the man says there is a genie out on the corner granting wishes, so the man sitting next to him jumps up and runs outside he says to the genie I want a million bucks, the genie snaps his fingers and a million ducks appear in the road, the man comes back inside and says hey that genie is a little hard of hearing, the man says well did you really think I'd ask for a 12-in pianist
Ah yes, cremation. My last chance of having a smokin' hot body.
me: "you wanna see my dad" some kid: "yeah?" me: "close your eyes and he will appear" some kid: "he ain't appearing" me: "sorry i thought he would appear for you. he won't appear for me" *the kid laughs"
moral: not everything is supposed to be funny text if you notice what was really going on đ
There are two type of faces The handsome one but the wallet is ugly Then there is this personal face full of bump's but even they lack the wallet
Helicopters fly because they are so ugly that the ground pushes them away.
I wasn't staring at you; I was trying to figure out if that's your forehead or the moon.
Hey, you have something on your chin, no the 3rd one down.
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.
Yo mama so ugly she made happy meals cry.
A wild Iceberg appears! Titanic uses ram! It is not very effective. ( Titanic sinks. )
Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her at Halloween.
Damn, bitch, you got a big ass for a head!
Friend: "You are so ugly." Me: "You can't be talking, you give Freddy Krueger nightmares."
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trumpâs wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes but he wasnât really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trumpâs friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trumpâs friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, âAww, Iâm lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!â
When I feel ugly I just look at my brother and get over it
Your mamma's so ugly, even the toaster wouldn't get in the bathtub with her.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"
The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"
"Yellow and far apart."
A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
