ANS jokes

Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.

What do you call an octopus that fights sharks?

An octobrave.

Ancestry.com is spelled with an “I” in Alabama.

My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”

An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee.

A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after a while and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in."

How do you tell if a loaf of bread has Down Syndrome?

It has an extra crumb-osome.

When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school.

At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters

'PNEIS'

and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.

What’s an abbreviation for school in America?

Shooting range.

Jokes just as dead as the victims.

Average Kid: brings mp3 to school.

Rich Kid: Brings mp4 to school.

Quiet Kid: Brings an mp5.

What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.

What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.

When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.

But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)

Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.

I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.

An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."

So I had a friend who was an orphan, and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.

How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?

If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.

If you kill an emo, Is it an assist kill?

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an airplane landing strip? Don't know, neither did my dad.