ANS jokes
Why was Stephen Hawking's wife mad at him?
She caught him having an affair with his shoulder.
Your forehead is so big, I can write an essay on it.
My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.
She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
What does an Asian call a penis? A wong.
What does an Asian do with its legs? It wok.
If I busted an egg on your head... The yolk would be on you... hahaha...
Why can’t an orphan play baseball? Because he can’t find home plate.
I bought an orphan iPhone 8 Plus and he said he doesn't want it 'cause it didn't have a HOME button.
I'm an orphan, so kidnap me.
If you punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
What are the similarities of an orphan and a water fountain?
They both sprout water.
There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.
For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
What is the difference between an Apple and an orphan?
The apples get picked.
For centuries, Japan’s feudal dictators, called Shoguns, enforced strict laws that kept people from leaving or entering the country. This practice isolated Japan from the rest of the world. By the middle of the 19th century, Japan’s isolationism was creating problems for the United States’ whaling industry whose ships needed coal, food, and water available in Japanese ports. And sailors who were shipwrecked on the coast of Japan needed protection from mistreatment.
In November 1852, President Millard Fillmore sent an expedition to Japan to solve these problems. Led by Commodore Matthew C. Perry, the expedition had both steam-powered and sail-powered warships and several hundred men. Perry’s task was to persuade the Japanese to sign a treaty with the United States that would open Japanese ports and protect shipwrecked sailors. On July 8, 1853, the Perry expedition sailed into Edo Bay about thirty miles from the city of Edo (modern Tokyo).
During talks with the Shogun’s representatives, the idea of a treaty was repeatedly rejected. But Perry didn’t give up. Finally, in February 1854, the Japanese agreed to negotiate a treaty. The Treaty of Kanagawa established peace between the two countries, opened two ports to U.S. shipping, and protected shipwrecked sailors. It was signed on March 31, 1854.
Perry’s expedition also opened Japan to the rest of the world. Within two years, Japan signed similar treaties with Russia, Holland, and Britain.
What's the difference between an orange?
A hippopotamus riding a four-door motorcycle.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apes get picked.
What is an orphan's favorite movie?
Annie.
Bored? Punch an orphan! Who are they gonna tell, their parents?
How many tickles does it take for an octopus to laugh?
I like school.
Miss Drake, can I go to the bathroom? I need to piss.
"Billy, we don't say piss. We say urinate. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Miss Drake."
"Very well. Now use the word urinate in a sentence."
"Miss Drake, urinate, but if you had any tits you'd be a ten."