ANS jokes
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Yo mama's so fat her belly button has an echo.
Why is the record for longest jump kept by an emo?
They're still hanging.
What do you call an environmentally conscious Mexican?
A green bean.
What do you call it when a gorilla bumps uglies with an orangutan?
Monkeypox.
What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?
A doppelgangbang.
Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”
Person 2: “Seven.”
Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”
Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”
(Based on an encounter I had recently)
Harry Potter is a movie about a grown adult man with an unhealthy obsession with a teenage boy.
What's a similarity of an orphan and a deaf kid?
They both can't hear their parents.
What's the difference between a boomerang and parents to an orphan?
The boomerang comes back.
Why can you bully an orphan?
Because they can’t tell their parents.
What's the opposite of an exorcism?
When Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child...
Yo mama's so fat that every time she goes on an elevator, it goes down.
A shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store.
He was asked to give an "eggsplanation."
I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
Because he doesn’t know where home is.
An orphan died. No one cared, why? Who is supposed to spread the word? His parents.
An alien goes to Area 51, but I wonder why he doesn't go to your house?
A kid just becomes an orphan, well, I guess it's better than being a hobo.
I heard there is a zozo hobo who eats all your Pringles.