ANS jokes

They say people are 75% water.

But I’m 75% an orphan and 25% useless.

You know what you could use? An orphan as a punching bag.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Stephen Hawking got an engine swap with a Nissan 350Z, and they said his wheelchair wasn't street legal :/

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

You cut the rope.

A man sacrificed children who played Roblox, so when someone knocked on the door, they said, "An administrator has banned you from heaven!"

I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.

She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.

Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!

What if you put a scared homosexual guy and an angry homophobic guy inside a stable?

Hmm, let's see, if the homosexual guy has some good luck, maybe he will meet a super unicorn and help him out to defeat the angry homophobic guy :D

What is the difference between an American and a computer?

An American doesn’t have trouble shooting.

What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?

Quarter pounder with cheese.

What do you call an Arab and a black man flying a plane?

Pilots. You racist f*ck.

Hey guys! Ello here with an update!

I know I haven't been doing a lot of jokes lately, so I will make sure to do that, but I have something to say! I am going to Disneyland today!! So here is the plan. Today we are going to leave around 2 and go to Downtown Disney for dinner and check into our hotel and stuff like that. Then we are going to wake up bright and early tomorrow and go to Disneyland and stay 'til midnight, and then on Monday we are going to California Adventure! I am missing school on Monday! I'm so excited! And don't worry, I will make sure to tell you guys all about it when we get back. Love y'all!

What is an example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.

What is an orphan's least favorite store?

Family Dollar, they just can’t seem to find one.

What's an old Japanese man's last words?

"Hey, that cloud looks like a mushroom, or is it just me?"

What’s the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?

Pikachu, I choose you!

What do you call somebody in America that is smart?

An immigrant.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because he can't find home.

What do you call a scared octopus?

An octopussy.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple can trace back its family tree.

What has two wings and an arrow?

A Chinese telephone: "Wing wing arrow."