ANS jokes
What is an orphan's favorite flower? Self-raising. 😂
Dad: What's the difference between an ELEPHANT and a POSTBOX?
Son: I don't know.
Dad: I'd better not trust you with my post then.
I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday...
It was impossible to put down.
The broccoli says, "I look like a small tree." The mushroom says, "I look like an umbrella." The walnut says, "I look like a brain." And the banana says, "Can we please change the subject?"
A boy asked his dad for some money to buy an ice cream with, so he went to an ice cream van. Whilst he was in the queue, two boys asked him what flavor he was getting. He told them "strawberry." The two boys were shocked and beat him up. The ice cream man felt bad and gave him his strawberry ice cream for free.
When he got home, his dad also asked what flavor he bought. The boy said "strawberry." His dad then kicked him out of the house. The boy, confused, walked down the street and was stopped by the police, who were looking for a boy who had been eating strawberry ice cream. The boy said, "That's me," and the policeman arrested him.
A week later in court, the boy was on trial. The judge asked, "Can you tell me what were you doing on the fifth of May?" (the day he was arrested) The boy said, "I was eating ice cream." The judge decided he was innocent. On the way out, the judge asked him what the flavor was (he had forgotten to ask during the trial). Of course, he answered with "strawberry." The judge, horrified, realized he had given the wrong verdict and the boy should have been executed. Unfortunately, he couldn't change what had happened, so the boy walked out and crossed the road but was hit by a car and died.
The moral of the story is look left and right before crossing the road.
I've never been to Bradford before until today. While driving through the city center with my dad I asked, "Would you set up a business here?", to which he responded "No".
So I asked "Why not, you'd make us rich!", He gave me a confused face and asked, "How so?".
So I said, "Because sales would be fucking booming!"
I know, it's an awful joke.
What do you call an Irish man that breaks up fights?
Liam Malone.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
It doesn't know where home is.
Why does Job have an Area 51 head? Because his head is the shape of a 🦖.
Q: How to hit an orphan?
A: Hit them with a family tree.
I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!
What does an Asian call a penis? A wong.
What does an Asian do with its legs? It wok.
When Ant-Man is the size of an atom, how can he breathe?
What do you call a child predator and an illegal immigrant? Alien vs. Predator.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he can't hit a home run.
What is the difference between an egg and you? An egg gets laid, and you don't.
What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?
America's funniest home videos.
What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?
I cry when I chop up onions.
What did the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
"Beat it. We're closed."
What do you call the type of photo an orphan takes?
A selfie.