ANS jokes
Yo mama so stupid she threw a Mother's Day party at an orphanage.
What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?
An orphan's parents.
What do you call gay men receiving anonymous blowjobs at the glory holes inside an adult bookstore?
Norwegian massage.
What are two things that an orphan can’t have?
Two parents.
Why does an orphan have an iPhone X?
Because they have no home button.
Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."
My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.
I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."
What's an orphan's favorite movie? Home Alone.
What's the difference between a black person and an apple?
An apple chooses to hang.
What is an orphan and an apple?
They get picked.
What do you call an Indian gymnast? Balance Singh.
What do you call the Gray Man in an electric chair? Fried Fish.
There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.
News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestler's legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas.
John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russian has a move called the Mongolian Death Grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian Death Grip. DO NOT let him get you in the Mongolian Death Grip.”
The day of the match finally came. Just before each wrestler stepped onto the mat in front of the capacity crowd, the coach once again said, “Whatever you do, do not let him get you in the Mongolian death grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian death grip.”
Four seconds into the match, the Russian had the American in the Mongolian death grip. The coach buried his face into his hands and cursed John for not listening to his advice. All of the sudden he heard the crowd irrupt in a chant of USA USA USA. He looked up and saw the Russian pinned by John. The coach ran out to meet John and embarrassingly told him, “I didn’t see... Once he had you in the Mongolian Death Grip I looked away. How in the world did you get out of the Mongolian death grip?”
With heavy breath, John told him, “Well coach, that Russian grabbed me and twisted my body in ways I never imagined possible. I was wincing in pain when I open my eyes and right in front of me were two testicles. So I bit them.”
“What???” Said the coach... “John I don’t think that is legal. You could be disqualified.”
“I don’t know about that coach. But I can tell you one thing. You ain’t got no idea how strong you are until you bite your own balls.”
When an orphan takes a selfie, is that their family photo?
If an orphan takes a photo... Well done! It's a family photo!
Why can you bully orphans?
What are they gonna do, tell their parents? Oh wait, they got no parents.
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy.
So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...
Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
You have an entire life being an idiot, why not take a day off?
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples are actually picked.