ANS jokes
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apes get picked.
Good Morning, Everyone! Have an amazing day!
Why can you not let an orphan touch an iPhone 7? Because it would break if they touched the home button.
Me: Hey, do you wanna hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: Why don't churches have WiFi?
Friend: Why?
Me: They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
Q. What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. The phrase "jump rope" means different things.
Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme, but you can hear a hormone.
What's an emo kid's favorite movie?
Suicide Squad.
What is it called when an orphan is having a family reunion?
Me time.
What's an astronaut's favorite candy? A Milky Way!
An orphanage is like a horse rescue: you rescue them, you rehabilitate them, and then you sell them to the highest bidder.
An orphanage is like a horse rescue. You rescue them, rehabilitate them, then sell them for as much as possible.
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
So an ace gets handed a piece of paper and it says, "Do you like me or no?" and the ace says, "I'm not registered to vote!" Hahahahahahahahjajqh.
What do you call an orphan's family photo?
A selfie.
A man walked into a bar with an AK-47 with a 50-round mag and yelled out, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" Everyone was quiet.
One man at the back stood up and called, "Sorry mate, but I don't think you have enough bullets."
I held on to my money stronger than an orphan holds on to a teddy bear on Father's Day.
When the quiet kid has an argument with the school shooter, and you didn't get to pull out the AK.